The Daddy Diary 2: Leave it to my Little Girl

Leave it to my little girl to decide to join the world three weeks early. And leave it to her to break Mommy’s water just as Daddy sat down at a pub to join some friends. Committing the ultimate fatherly sacrifice, I left my freshly poured beer (Audrey owes me a Guinness), to go take Mommy to the hospital and meet my little girl. So, we get to the hospital and they have us fill out paper forms to be admitted. Seriously? Paper? Are we having a baby in 1976? What happened to computers? This is 2019. Where is the facial recognition admission then deliver the baby out of the womb with Star Trek transportation technology process? Apparently, that doesn’t exist yet, but you should at least able to check in via computer. Well, leave it to my little girl to be born during a hospital-wide computer update. As if the admission process wasn’t slow enough. Seriously, can the admissions staff pick it up a little? They move around like they are stuck in a lava lamp, which isn’t cool because the faster you get admitted, the sooner the mother gets the epidural. They should give the epidural before they admit the mother. Paperwork can be done anytime. In fact, they should have a mobile unit that inserts the epidural as you walk in from the parking lot. Then, you could take as long as you want to admit her. Trust me, hell hath no fury like a pregnant woman having contractions being delayed.

But then things sped up after that. We were having a C-Section because little Audrey was breech. Or so we thought. Little stinker decided to turn head down at the absolute last minute. Psych! But we went ahead with the C-Section. Aside from slicing open your wife and putting her guts on a table, C-Section might be the way to go. No pushing for 3 hours. 40 minutes tops. Nice. And I got to wear scrubs, which was cool. And the blue really brought out my eyes.

And then you get to see your baby. I forgot that all babies come out looking like aliens. Initially, Audrey was a dead ringer for Kuato from Total Recall. But within seconds, she turned on the cute. And she hasn’t stopped turning it on ever since.

See the cuteness pictured. Why the monitors and breathing tube? Stay tuned. Every good story has a struggle, and sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. And they will get better. But I’m going to need God’s help with the better this time. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my baby girl, but this one’s out of my hands.