The Daddy Diary 2: The Upgrades and Downgrades

Audrey is recovering well from her open-heart surgery. The doctors keep talking about how strong and tough she is as she recovers. (I told them that if they read my blog they wouldn’t be surprised because I explained this in my second post). So, you would think that combined with the fact that she’s the cutest baby ever to grace the interior of Children’s Medical center would entitle her to princess-like status, right? Apparently not. Apparently, when they upgrade your medical status, they downgrade your living conditions.

We are still in the ICU waiting on her surgery to repair the choanal artesia (look it up, this is a blog, not a textbook), and all Audrey got was downgraded to a smaller, darker room in the corner with no windows. And then she got downgraded again to a shared room in the ghetto wing. There isn’t even a couch in this one, so Michelle has to sleep in a chair. And I get to sit on a cinder block in the corner. Of course they keep delaying her surgery for various reasons, so we will probably be here until Justin Bieber is old enough to run for President. At this rate, by the time she actually has the procedure, she’ll be staying in a bunk bed in a youth hostel in Kyrgyzstan. I’m sure it’s nice there, but I can guarantee you that the ambulance that would transport us there is out of network. And they probably charge by the mile.

Speaking of which, can someone with multiple Ph.Ds. in health care explain this “network” thing to me? “We ran 287 tests on your daughter yesterday, and this one test is out of network so you’ll be paying out of pocket for that one. And of the 40 people who were in the OR for her surgery, all were in-network except the third-string anesthesiologist. He had to be there to run the surgical scout team, and he only accepts cash or personal checks.” I think I’m supposed to tip him as well, but I’m not sure.

And so we wait. And the pizza isn’t getting any better. No upgrade there.