It Takes Two to Make a Thing Go Right

Sometimes it takes two tries to get it right. You might not get exactly what you want the first time, so you give it another go. That’s why there are starter homes, starter marriages, and Weekend at Bernie’s 2. Our first attempt to bring Audrey home lasted two days. Today we are bringing Audrey home again. We are hoping this one lasts a little longer.

Audrey seemed to enjoy her first stay at home. She was very relaxed and slept almost the whole time. We assumed it was because she was finally home and feeling the warmth of being surrounded by a loving family. It was either that or the fact that the doctors missed a decimal point on her take-home dosage and Mommy and Daddy were giving her 10x as much methadone as she should have been taking. (That little error got escalated pretty far up the medical food chain). Now, I’m afraid she won’t like it at home as much because Mommy and Daddy aren’t giving her the good stuff this time.

I knew parenthood was going to be hard, but I didn’t know it was going to be this hard. Taking a healthy baby home is hard enough. It’s a combination of joy and fear. I’m not sure about the actual proportions, but taking Ella home was more joy than fear. The percentages seemed to flip with Audrey. Taking her home the first time was 90% joy, 100% fear (I might need to check my math). People joke that your main job after bringing a baby home is keeping her alive. It’s not a joke bringing a child with CHARGE syndrome home. We have to administer the meds. We have to give the shots. What if I miss a decimal point? And I’m supposed to do all this without freaking out. Good luck. Several nurses have explained to me that it really isn’t a big deal if her feeding tube comes out. It’s a very simple process to reinsert it. I’m calling B.S. My freak out meter goes to 11, and I can make even the simplest tasks look difficult. I will freak out the first time the tube pops out and I have to put it back in. I’ll do it, but I will freak out.

But this time, I know we’ve got this. Fortunately, she’s off most of the meds, and our two-day trial run went pretty smoothly. This voyage home will be much more joy than fear. The people here are great, but 112 days in the hospital is 112 days not at home. That’s almost 2.5 years in dog years.

Many people have asked us how we are able to do this. The simple answer is we didn’t have a choice. I’m not sure if trials in life make you stronger or if they just bring out a strength you never knew you had. If you ever feel like you are facing a challenge or something that you can’t do, trust me, you can. You are probably stronger than you think. Not having a choice just takes away the option of doing nothing or saying no. Think about what you could accomplish if you couldn’t say no.