The Daddy Diary
Musings on Babies, Bulldogs, and Beer
Words I Wish I Had Written
“If it’s not Scottish, it’s Crap”
– Mike Myers
Many years ago I read a column in the newspaper written by the mother of a special needs child. At that time, getting married and having a child, much less a special needs child, was the farthest thing from my mind. Yet, for some reason, that column always stuck with me.
For the life of me, I can’t remember the author’s name. In my defense, it was about 25 years ago, and I’ve had a few beers since then. Earlier this week, I recommended a book that I’ve been reading to a friend, and when he asked who wrote it, I had no idea. The author’s name is only written at the bottom of every other page of the book. How am I supposed to remember that? Heck, some days I can’t remember the name of someone I met yesterday, and I’m stuck saying, “Hey, You” the next time I see them. Well, I will gladly give her credit if I can ever remember her name. Anyway, when you are the parent of a special needs child, it’s hard to articulate your thoughts and emotions in a way other people can understand, but her analogy nails it. I can’t quote it word for word, so here is her basic statement with my artistic license thrown in:
Imagine you were planning a trip to Hawaii. You’ve been planning this for months, and your thoughts continually take you to paradise – nothing but pristine beaches, perfect weather, breathtaking sunsets and drinks with umbrellas. You went on a crash diet so you’ll look at least acceptable in your new swimsuit and hopped on a plane to embark on your week of relaxation. But instead of Hawaii, the plane lands in Scotland. You are met with a grey, drab and austere landscape.
How would you respond? You’d be pissed. This isn’t what you wanted. Where are the pristine beaches? Your new swimsuit is no good here. And what was the point of the diet? You gave up alcohol and chocolate for nothing. All your plans are thrown out the window because this isn’t the paradise you envisioned.
Here’s the deal – if you just sit and complain about not being in Hawaii, you don’t see the beauty that Scotland holds, and you miss out on so much. It turns out that Scotland is equally as beautiful as Hawaii, it’s just different. After all, look at what Scotland has given us: Golf. Scotch whiskey. Sean Connery. Mike Myers’ father in “So I Married an Axe Murderer.”
That is life with a special-needs child. I’ve been pissed. I’ve been upset. Why is my child deaf? Why can’t she hear my voice? Will she ever get to experience her daddy’s mad playlist skills, and will she ever be able to enjoy the impromptu dance parties that I share with her sister? And why do I have to feed my child through a feeding tube sewn to her stomach instead of a bottle?
Nothing warms the heart more than when your child smiles at you. Ella’s smile makes me melt. But when Audrey smiles at me, it’s different. Seeing a smile from a baby that has been through absolute hell takes me to another place. I’m starting to think that I’m going to learn a lot more from Audrey than she’s ever going to learn from me.
So, once I get over being angry, I realize that I’m lucky. Most people don’t get Hawaii and Scotland, but I get both. And I wouldn’t want it any other way.
One Comment on “Words I Wish I Had Written”
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The Daddy Diary 
What touching words and such a great perspective. But even better? This photo of your precious littles. Sooooo sweet just like they are! Still sending prayers.
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