The Daddy Diary
Musings on Babies, Bulldogs, and Beer
Writing Her Own Story
Everybody knows the story of the prodigal son. I always felt bad for the older brother in the prodigal son story. The prodigal son is the main character in one of the most famous stories ever told, but the older son didn’t even get a nomination for best supporting actor. I get why he resented his younger brother and his dad. He didn’t do anything wrong, but his screw-up brother got the fattened calf party. And everybody loves a fattened calf party.
I understand why the story is about the prodigal son and not the older brother. Struggles make for compelling stories. Audrey’s story was a struggle, and I find myself writing more stories about Audrey than Ella. I’ve always worried that Ella will resent Audrey because of that. Audrey didn’t do anything wrong like the prodigal son, and Audrey’s journey has been a much bigger struggle than Ella’s.
On some level, I’m not sure that I could blame Ella. As hard as I try to prevent it, Audrey is always going to get more attention. Ella is still too young to understand what CHARGE Syndrome means, but she does know something is different about her sister. One night last week, Ella said “I have a scar just like Audrey.” I had to tell her that she didn’t have a scar like her sister. I know why Ella wants the scar. Kids like attention, especially from Mommy and Daddy. She has already figured out that two things in this world get attention, scars, and Kardashians. Between those two choices, I’m glad she wanted the scar. In a few years, I’ll have to explain that there are better ways to get attention than being a Kardashian.
I still have a hard time explaining to Ella why she doesn’t get to go to the doctor when Mommy and Daddy take baby sister. She just wants to feel included. Despite everything that we’ve had to do with Audrey, Ella has not shown one ounce of resentment. After having her life turned upside-down as mommy and daddy spent over three months in the hospital with Audrey, all she did was smile and clap her hands expectantly when she first met Audrey. And her love of her sister hasn’t waned one bit since that day.
My good friend Adrian asked me how we got through the hardest times with Audrey. I told him that sometimes it was just knowing that we weren’t alone. There were days when I felt like the entire world was in Audrey’s corner. Every Saturday morning we all go to the mall so Audrey can walk in her walker. Every time we are there, complete strangers will stop and say something supportive or encouraging or just stop and watch her walk. I know that many people have been pulling for Audrey, but there can only be one biggest fan, and I’m afraid that title has been taken.
Audrey’s uphill climb isn’t over. It may never be over. Sometimes in my daydream/worrying, I wonder about what will happen to Audrey when mommy and daddy are gone. We had kids a little later than most, and the day will come when we won’t be there to support Audrey. Whenever I watch this video, I realize that is something I’m not going to have to worry about.
I get the feeling that if Ella had a fattened calf, she would just give it to her sister. Maybe she doesn’t need me to write about her. There is something special about this kid, and she is going to write her own story. I can’t wait to read it.
One Comment on “Writing Her Own Story”
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The Daddy Diary 
I’m not sure it’s always just about attention seeking. Sometimes young children seem to say things like this (about the scar) as a way of connecting and affirming identity. It was a sweet moment.
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