50 on 50

I turn 50 today. This means two things:

1. I have to write about it.
2. I pulled a muscle somewhere in my body just typing that sentence.

My mind has been wandering to many places the last few days. Some of those places are in the future. Some are in the past. Some make me laugh. Some make me cry. Here are some thoughts, realizations, observations, and lessons I’ve learned in 50 years.

In no particular order with no rhyme, reason, or agenda:

1. I never wrote anything meaningful until I met my daughters.
2. Social media has reduced my attention span to approximately .0003 seconds, or roughly the duration of a standard Kardashian marriage.
3. If I could get back the total of all my bar tabs from my 20s and 30s, I could buy Ecuador.
4. Everyone should go see a therapist.  Yes. You, too.
5. There are two things everyone should do, write a book and run a marathon.  When you start each, you will think there is no way you can do it.  Both will wear you out, but both will push you to accomplish more than you ever thought you could.  (Note: If you are physically unable to run a marathon, I will allow you to write a book about running a marathon)
6. Lynda Carter was my first celebrity crush.  Nobody has surpassed her yet.
7. I’ve prayed for many things. I’ve received many “no” responses from God (By the way, God, I’m not going to stop praying for that Wimbledon victory). But there is one thing I’ve asked for many times, and He said yes every single time – Strength.
8. Everyone who dedicates their life to work in a children’s hospital deserves a special place in heaven.
9. If someone opens a 2-pound bag of Peanut M&Ms in my presence, I’m about to gain 2 pounds.
10. I’m already willing to pay a retainer to a criminal attorney to represent me for beating the crap out of the first boy who breaks my little girl’s heart.
11. If someone is nice to you and mean to the waiter, they are not a nice person.
12. An easy, stress-free life probably isn’t a meaningful life.
13. Ain’t no party like a West Coast party ‘cause a West Coast Party don’t stop.
14. Exercise is a better way to deal with stress than drinking.
15. Having a child with disabilities is much harder than I thought it would be.
16. Having a child with disabilities has made my life much better than I thought it could be.
17. It’s never too late to start something new or start over.
18. Rick and Louie did have a beautiful friendship.
19. Relationships would be much healthier if people went into them asking, “What can I give to this relationship?” instead of asking, “What can I get out of this relationship?”
20. Losing a parent sucks forever.
21. The older I get, the more I have to warm up before I exercise.  I ran five miles this morning and started warming up in February.
22. I spent my childhood wanting to be an adult and my adulthood wanting to be a child.
23. Whoever said “Time heals all wounds” probably never had to bury a child.
24. I’ve never been in a mood so down that a baby’s laugh couldn’t turn it around.  It’s the greatest sound in the world.
25. My daughter’s stroller cost more than my first car.  Those who remember the Grenada know that this is not a joke.
26. In the conversation of the greatest guitar players of all time, Prince’s name doesn’t get mentioned enough.
27. I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.
28. Some things you never get over. You just learn to cope with it. (See #20).
29. Everybody should own a dog. (When I run for office, I’m going to make this a law).
30. Any bartender that can’t pour a Guinness should be fired on the spot. (When I run for office, I’m going to make this a law).
31. I think baby wipes are the greatest invention in the history of mankind.
32. When I get to Heaven, one of the first people I’m going to seek out is Walt Disney.  I want to thank him for bringing joy to millions of children, including my girls and me.
33. I’ve always been happy.  I think it’s because I’ve always had great family and friends.
34. I once asked a billionaire, “What is the secret to success?” He said, “Choose your parents wisely.”  I chose wisely.  My definition of success is different than his, and I’m okay with that.
35. I think the second key to success is to choose your siblings wisely.  I nailed that one, too.
36. God granted Solomon one request, and he chose wisdom.  Wisdom is great and all, but I would take my one request and choose the energy of a four-year-old.
37. There are two types of people in the world: Those who get to go to work and those who’ve got to go to work.  I’ve spent way too much time in the latter camp.
38. I still get fired up every time I hear the intro to the “Rocky” theme song.
39. If we could weaponize bulldog gas, we could make Vladimir Putin stand down.
40. GPS is extremely handy, but it has made me very stupid.  I probably couldn’t find my childhood home without it now.
41. I don’t need money.  I don’t need fame.  I don’t need a credit card to ride this train.
42. If you aren’t dealing with your personal issues, do you know who is?  Everyone around you.
43. There’s nothing wrong with being an introvert.
44. Regardless of religious affiliation, everyone should read the Sermon on the Mount and live like Jesus instructed.  This world would be a much better place if we did. 
45. Mock him if you must, but nobody can nail a key change like Barry Manilow.
46. I miss the days when TV shows had theme songs.
47. I have yet to find a wine that pairs well with Nutter Butter cookies.  This quest is not over.  Be sure to look for the answer in “60 on 60.” 
48. Andy Dufresne was right, “It comes down to a simple choice, really.  Get busy livin’ or get busy dyin’.”
49. I’m terrible at finishing lists.