New Morning Routines

I think a good morning routine will help you get charged up emotionally, physically, and mentally. I said in my last post that the best way to start a day is getting high-fives and hugs from children. That definitely got me charged up emotionally. Over the last two weeks, I discovered two other methods to start my day to get me charged up physically and mentally. Feel free to give them a try if you wish.

Method 1: Taking your dog for a walk at 5 am will get you charged up physically, and the timing is important here. Leaving this early will increase the chances that you will be the first person to walk this particular path this morning. That will ensure that any spider webs that were spun during the night will still be intact when you come through. If you are fortunate enough, you will get to experience the joy of walking through a spider web that covers your entire body. Then, as the thought “How big a spider did it take to spin that web?” starts to enter your mind, you realize that you don’t have to ask that question because the spider in question will be crawling down your neck.

There are plenty of methods to get your blood flowing in the morning, but none will prove to be as effective as this one. Your dog will look at you and ask, “What the hell is the matter with you?” as you wildly gesticulate for five minutes to prove to yourself that the spider is no longer on you. Then, for the last half mile of your trek, you get to stop every ten feet to perform the “Is the spider still on me?” dance. I have taken numerous showers and changed clothes countless times since that day, but I’m still not convinced that the spider is no longer on me.

You could drink an extra cup of coffee or fire off a few jumping jacks to wake yourself up in the morning, but I assure you, none of the other methods you have ever tried will prove as effective as this one at hitting your maximum heart rate.

Method 2: Go for a run early in the morning and try to hit your cruising speed on the sidewalk of a major street. That will ensure that you startle a group of bunnies and make them scatter. Two of the bunnies will scurry under the fence, but the third bunny will run into the street. Now, if you are running early enough, there won’t be much traffic, but it only takes one. It only takes one unfortunately placed Chrysler going well over the stated speed limit to send the bunny to an immediate death. Nothing will wake you up like watching a bunny hop straight into the grill of an oncoming sedan.

The silver lining here is that when you start your day watching a bunny explode, the rest of your day has nowhere to go but up. And no matter how bad things get in your life, you always have a mantra to give you perspective throughout your day.

Somebody cut you off in traffic? “At least I’m not watching a bunny explode.”

Your a–hole boss giving you a hard time? “At least I’m not watching a bunny explode.”

Your football team blows a 14-point fourth-quarter lead? “At least I’m not watching a bunny explode.”

So, if you are looking for a new way to wake yourself up in the morning, you could try incorporating spiders and exploding bunnies into your morning routine.