The Daddy Diary

Leave it to my little girl to decide to join the world three weeks early. And leave it to her to break Mommy’s water just as Daddy sat down at a pub to join some friends. Committing the ultimate fatherly sacrifice, I left my freshly poured beer (Audrey owes me a Guinness), to go take Mommy to the hospital and meet my little girl. So, we get to the hospital and they have us fill out paper forms to be admitted. Seriously? Paper? Are we having a baby in 1976? What happened to computers? This is 2019. Where is the facial recognition admission then deliver the baby out of the womb with Star Trek transportation technology process? Apparently, that doesn’t exist yet, but you should at least able to check in via computer. Well, leave it to my little girl to be born during a hospital-wide computer update. As if the admission process wasn’t slow enough. Seriously, can the admissions staff pick it up a little? They move around like they are stuck in a lava lamp, which isn’t cool because the faster you get admitted, the sooner the mother gets the epidural. They should give the epidural before they admit the mother. Paperwork can be done anytime. In fact, they should have a mobile unit that inserts the epidural as you walk in from the parking lot. Then, you could take as long as you want to admit her. Trust me, hell hath no fury like a pregnant woman having contractions being delayed.